i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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