Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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