Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
