jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
