Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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