No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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