Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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