i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
