If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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