if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
