I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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