what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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