Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
