Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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