Duck Duck Cougar?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
