i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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