2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
