so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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