dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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