I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
