I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
