Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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