Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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