Where is the hickey?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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