I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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