I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
