I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
