i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
