Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
