I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
