both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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