just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
