i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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