you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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