i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
