im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
