So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
