I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
