Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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