I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
