guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
