A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
