just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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