i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
