She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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