you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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