i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
