why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
