that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
