you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
