This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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