i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
