3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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