Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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