It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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